The #1 Goal Killer (stop this now) 3 of 3

The #1 Goal Killer (stop this now) 3 of 3

Tired of breaking up with your goals and getting back together, over and over?

I bet you’re tired of wondering whether this will really be the time you actually do it.

I’m fucking sick of it too.

And if you want it to stop, once and for all, read this post and do everything I’m about to share with you.

But first, before we go any further, I have to ask you something.

This is important.

Are you actually fucking done with the love-hate, start and stall bullshit, never-ending cycle you have with your goals?

Are you read to finally, once-and-for-all, say goodbye to the struggle?

I ask, because sadistically, some people actually like the struggle. They thrive on it. It makes them feel safe. It gives them a place to hide from actually stepping up and doing shit.

If you’re really ready, and I mean, burning-the-fucking-ships-come-on-let’s-do-this ready, then let’s continue.

For some reason almost no one does this when they plan their goals, and it’s the reason they fail.

I’ll tell you why…

Why you don’t ever do this simple thing (but that ends now)

I don’t know why so many people overlook it, but it kind of makes sense when you think about it.

You see, no one ever goes into a goal thinking that they’ll fail, or thinking that they will stumble.

Everyone plans for a smooth, easy path to victory.

I’m not here to reinforce that fantasy. It’s a lie. You know it. I know it. We all fucking know it.

But what do we do, we plan our goals, we set out on new habits assuming it will be smooth sailing.

And we fail because…

We don’t plan for a war

If you want to make a habit stick. If you want to make your goals inevitable, you must plan for shit going wrong.

You must plan for everything going wrong.

The reason most people fail with a new goal or habit is because they don’t plan for failure. They don’t have a playbook they can reach into when setbacks happen.

And we know they will happen, so what happens when the first one comes… you fall off.

The other problem is that people assume that they will follow through 100% of the time. Almost no one in the history of ever shows up or follows through on their goals exactly as stated 100% of the time.

If you’re expecting 100% (perfection), what happens when you miss a day of working out, working on your business, or whatever it is you want to do?

You give up.

Why bother right? You already “failed.” You broke the chain.

What you don’t realize is that successful people do not have a perfect record of attendance.

What they do have is plans for when things get hairy, when injuries, illness or just unexpected calamities get thrown their way.

There are two things I specifically see they have that others don’t.

Remember, the point of this article is to get you to take action.

SO DO THESE TWO THINGS NOW

#1. Create a strategy for motivation (never leave it to chance again)

What will you do when things get really, really hard? What will you do when your motivation is not there anymore or working on your goal is not as fun as watching House of Cards?

What will you do when you mean to show up, but it’s raining, or you’re tired, or your car breaks down?

Will that mean that oh geez, well, I guess it’s time to quit? Hell NO.

When things are just hard and you don’t feel like it, you need to know what to do.

You CANNOT, MUST NOT leave your motivation to chance. Ever.

That is certain death.

Here’s what you can do instead:

  • Ask a friend if you can text them when you’re struggling/tired/unmotivated/whatever to talk you out of not showing up.
  • Create a motivation swipe file, a place where you store videos/quotes/articles that never fail to get you motivated and energized.
  • Remind yourself of why you actually wanted to do this in the first place. Give yourself time to taste that goal again, to get reinspired and reinvigorated.

(Side note: If you are setting goals and not writing down why they matter to you, you need to start doing this now.)

Your motivation WILL wane. You must have a plan for what to do about it when it does.

So, figure out right now what your strategy for staying motivated will be.

Giving up is not an option. Not anymore.

#2. Create a fallback for desperate times

There will be times when things happen that you couldn’t have possibly expected. Your cat has an emergency infection from late night brawls in the alley and you have to take him to the vet. Your dishwasher springs a leak and you come home to find an inch of  water mixed with leftovers on your floor and have to call the plumber.

Something crazy that you didn’t anticipate is bound to happen.

So, what will you do about it when it does?

Most people will just give themselves an “out” and think that it’s no big deal. But skipping a day might lead to two, then three, then by golly, why even bother at that point?

Not only do you fall off with your progress, but you disintegrate the precious trust you have in yourself to follow through. This the real dream-killer, the nail in the coffin. Erode that trust enough, and you will never even want to attempt anything significant or challenging again.

YOU WILL NOT DO THIS ANYMORE.

Instead, you will create a plan, a strategy for when shit gets insane.

What kind of micro version of your goal can you do, to at least show up, to show yourself that you still came to practice, or put in the work even though it’s crazy?

Can you just floss two measly teeth? Can you do one stinking minute of meditation? Can you just put in 10 god damn minutes of work in on your business?

Yes. Yes you can.

And the more you do show up, no matter what and put in the work, even if it seems ridiculously small, the more you will train yourself to believe that you are the type of person that never quits, no matter what.

This identify, this belief in yourself is quite possibly the most powerful asset that a human can possess.

You only have one thing left to do

We talked about creating a strategy for motivation. We talked about having an actual fallback plan for when shit gets crazy.

These are all things we must do to prepare for a war.

A battle is inevitable. It’s not something that might happen. If you expect to win, you have to be prepared.

But there’s one last thing every successful person does before they step into battle, even those supposedly fighting alone.

They find allies.

No one goes into war by his or herself. It’s certain death.

And if you haven’t followed through on your goals or the habits you want to instill, chances are you have been trying to do it alone.

Haven’t you?

There’s a BIG problem with this.

In your cave, you can give up and no one sees you. No one sees you, so no one cares.

Humans are not solitary creatures. We never have been. To attempt accomplishing anything as a rogue is asking for failure.

If you want to succeed, you must find allies. You must do the program, the class, the habit, or whatever it is, in the company of others.

Tomorrow I’m going to share with you how you can accomplish any habit, allies at your side.

Because let’s be honest, creating groups is hard. It’s much easier to join one.

Declare that you are done with the struggle

I asked you earlier, are you seriously ready to denounce your membership forever to the struggle bus?

If you are, then make it official.

Leave a comment and tell me you are absolutely done with the struggle, the false starts, the on-again-off-again relationship with goals.

Declare your doneness, and let’s band together.

Tomorrow, we take back control of our time.

Comment & Add Your Voice

William June 28, 2016 at 6:55 am

I’ve never been so done with letting others drive while I’m holding on for dear life in the passenger seat. I finally took control, I finally stopped waiting for permission, and everything fell apart.

I took my first step, it was a bitch.

I needed this.

Backpack, on.
-Will

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Lazaro June 28, 2016 at 8:31 am

Good post. Blessings.

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Greg Kennon June 28, 2016 at 9:53 am

Love it!

I have gone through this myself so many times! I think of a goal, work towards it for a bit, and then forget about it once it gets tough. That days are over though!

I even created a goals journal for myself, my training clients, and others to help make the goal setting and achieving process a little easier!

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Rosie June 28, 2016 at 9:58 am

I am so done with the struggle! Ever since I started rejecting the belief that I had to do everything perfectly, or in the right order, or a certain way, or at a certain time, my world changed. Once I accepted that I could make mistakes, correct my course, and just DO things without knowing exactly how, and still show up to my goals and my true path every day, my world changed! Show up. As you are. Everyday.

GREAT post. Thank you!

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Sylvie June 28, 2016 at 10:47 am

I so understand and share what your saying there for perfectionism .
Been there and working on leaving that concept behind.

Sylvie June 28, 2016 at 10:45 am

One of the best posts yet!
I am so done with great starts that fizzle out 2 weeks later. I am so done with second guessing, so done with falling off and not getting up at an because of some faulty childhood programming that I’m inferior. I am so done with the psychological pain of having to work for a system nobody sees but me that this system is dying.
I am so done . So done with old childhood programming and social expectations.
My machete has been sharpened. Ready to hack out of this jungle of mediocrity . When do we start?

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Kay June 28, 2016 at 10:59 am

Done with the struggle! Done so hard!

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Kim June 28, 2016 at 1:43 pm

I’m going to share the shit out of this one. Thanks!

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Lerato June 28, 2016 at 2:32 pm

I am so done with riding on the bus to nowhere. I am done watching other people do it. I am done with trying to reach perfection and even failing at failing it. I am done with killing my goals. I am done with pretending that I am unaccountable. I commit to achieving all of my goals.

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Nicola June 28, 2016 at 2:54 pm

Today I broke my rib.. my ticket to go ‘travelling’ was cancelled by my air line.. I left my job… I’m homeless penniless and so… so done. Mind body soul done.

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Kristof Weber June 28, 2016 at 5:45 pm

Man this was something I needed to read today. Fuck these stupid jobs where we spend half the time we are awake hating it all!

It’s time to stop complaining in our heads and take control of things. We can all do this.

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Kristy June 28, 2016 at 7:04 pm

Tired of being tired!

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Peter Fritz June 28, 2016 at 9:21 pm

Such a good post, Jonathan – you SO nailed it with this.

Waiting for motivation and failing to plan for failure are big mistakes so many of us have made (and still make). About 25 years ago, someone told me that successful people and unsuccessful actually hate to do the same things. The difference is, successful people make themselves do what they need to do while unsuccessful people make excuses or wait for someone to do it for them.

As you said, “You CANNOT, MUST NOT leave your motivation to chance. Ever.”

Couldn’t agree more.

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Clare June 28, 2016 at 10:44 pm

I love this, and despite knowing every single thing you wrote about already, I still do the bad thing! The thinking everything will go great this time thing! The self delusional bullshit thing! That thing!

One interesting action I picked up from a course I did on procrastination is similar to what you mentioned – a micro-action. Doing something small in the area you’re trying to move forward in actually rewires your brain to consider yourself a “doing” person, someone who does what they say they’ll do. It’s not just identity, it’s neurochemistry.

I’m done piking on my goals, in business and fitness, and the two keys I need to focus on are finding allies and planning for bad days.
I would even say, though it is kind of semantics, that is less about finding motivation and more about finding automation – how do you ingrain something into your life do not doing it just doesn’t come up? Tricky but powerful.

Looking forward to the next installment.

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Ashley June 29, 2016 at 9:40 am

I’ve always struggled with sticking to things whenever it gets tough my whole life. My parents never understood and just got upset with me when I would quit when I’m halfway there. Now that I’m a mom myself with a 5 year old son and another on the way, I can’t do or be like this anymore

I’m in.

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aurelia June 29, 2016 at 11:05 am

fucking great writing
you’ve got my attention!
i am staying tuned

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Brian Robben July 11, 2016 at 10:15 pm

This line, “This identify, this belief in yourself is quite possibly the most powerful asset that a human can possess,” is so true and it fired me up! It’s 1:20am and I’m pissed I have to go to bed soon. But I’m going to reread this blog post in the morning to get pumped again and hustle.

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Danny July 27, 2016 at 8:26 am

Done. Now what

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