Well said Jonathan,

I feel there’s a balance to be made in the whole process, which you’ve described fairly well. We can enter the mess but sometimes spend too much time in it because it may feel more comfortable. As much as I can’t stand the “think positive” only trend, I think it could complement the process of going through our individual messes. By going through our messes, we clear and open ourselves up to something more positive.

Take care,
Ben

Hey Jonathan, I’m still obsessed with inner cleanliness, no matter how poetic your post ;)

Mess isn’t an useful word, if you think of it, you have already invited it to your consciousness. While I think it’s true to embrace both, your dark and light side, you should only focus on where you want to be or go. And use the right words to back it up.

Nice post. Permanent positive thought override mode is self-delusional. I’ve also tried it to pretty much no effect. I like the idea of acknowledging negative patterns/events before learning from them and then finally moving past/over/through them.

I don’t like the way positive thinking gets a bad wrap when people use it incorrectly. It’s like using a television set to mow the lawn and wondering why the grass is still long. Why use it to cover up reality? It is meant to put you in a state to gain a more resourceful insight and renewed energy to assist a problem. But although I’m partial to order, I very much appreciate your overall message. I agree that you can emerge quite graceful from a difficult situation by confronting it, although I think your language is charmingly absolute, “We… Read more »

Every time I fight my negative impulses, or beat myself up for negative thinking the problem not only persists, but often gets worse. It festers. I love your recommendation to “give our messes space.” If we stand too close, we find ourselves buried in it. If we stand back and observe, the root of our problems become clear.

Great post, Jonathan. It’s so true that it’s the messy stuff in our inner lives (and the outer world–to a point)that creates the compost that feeds the soil to nurture great beauty. Not only have I never seen fish in perfectly clean water (at least in their natural environments),I’ve never seen a lotus grow in crystal clear water, either. In fact the lotus really symbolizes the whole process of germinating in and then rising above the mud in our lives. I do also think that too much chaos and disorder in our outer world can start to drag us down… Read more »

definitely! That’s why I appreciate the “beauty in the breakdown”. Some of the most profound, life transforming actions begin at these fragile moments. But you must have the courage to go through it!

Jonathan, Your post contains many interesting ideas that would deserve future developments: – What you fight persists vs what you notice and accept without personal judgement finally dissolves. It’s like meditation, when you just observe & accept thoughts and don’t fight them, they finally dissolve. – You can’t put make up to disguise or escape reality, but accepting reality as part of ourselves and learning from IS POSITIVE THINKING. – Encouraging to face the mess is encouraging self-awareness. It’s about paying attention to moments that may contain seeds of greatness. “We cannot have what we want without going through the… Read more »

[…] is part of an awesome post I read. Click here to read the whole thing. As a culture, we have an obsession with cleanliness. It’s not just bodily cleanliness, though, […]

I usually don’t post on blogs, but I had to make a comment on this one. Very interesting take! I have to really ponder this and think it through, but I really like it. Nice Job!

I am all for positive thinking. But sometimes positive thinking doesn’t heal the past. Healing often need to take place. Often there is other actions that need to be done. And experiencing the negative thoughts can actually help us develop insight.

I found myself doing myself a disservice when I tried to “think the problems of the past away.” Sure, it works sometimes, but for some of the truly messy things in life it may not work.

You are so correct. I believe Americans, in particular, try to avoid negative feelings and events. In many other countries around the world, there is an acceptance that life includes a lot of suffering. Staying with and accepting adversity, while asking the right questions and reaching out for support along the way, are keys to resilience.

Hey Jonathan (nice name haha), this post really hit home with me this evening. I’m currently in a men’s group and leadership training program, and one of the focuses of the training is that the darkness IS A PART OF US. It resides within is, just as our light does. When you try and hide from it, the shadows have a way of creeping up on you in ways that you’d prefer that they didn’t. Only when you give the dark side of yourself a big hug, and give that side of you love too, are you able to really… Read more »

Yes Sir

We was all brought up as kids with dirt and grubby knees. That way we built immunity.

Jonathan

[…] insight.  Jonathan shares tips that will help you to move past negative patterns in the article  The Beautiful Mess of Life: How to Allow and Move Past Negative Patterns on his blog over at Illuminated Mind and Body. It is worth a […]

I tried to shield myself from all the negativity by thinking positive thoughts, reading positive books and blogs, etc. It felt so fake. Pretending that you don’t see the problem doesn’t make it go away. It’s like a child shutting his eyes not to see some scary looking stranger. But when he opens his eyes – the scary guy is still there. We cannot go about life with our eyes closed and our imagination frantically working to create tons of positive images. If we don’t open our eyes, we won’t be able to see where we are going and will… Read more »

Jonathan- this is a very important lesson that I have been working on for almost a year. I had to stop struggling against the negativity, and exactly like you said, dig deeper and figure out the source and then go from there. Instead of lashing out at my fiance for “never helping out,” I take a minute to dig into that negative thought, and usually discover that I really just need a nap. And a quick 20-minute sleep is much better than a long, drawn out fight that is ultimately about nothing. What I try to remember is this: I… Read more »

Thank you for the topic. I have suffered for a long time as a result of denying negative emotions and choosing to be positive instead of dealing with my emotions. I like the way you refer to it as ‘fake positive’. Everyone else thinks that we are great and doing well when we are really hurting badly inside. I could not understand why I had all these negative emotions popping up anywhere and at anytime until I learned that it was a result of suppressed feeling, which is exactly what you’re pointing out in your article.

[…] For more on the idea of letting the unseen good come out of your negative feelings, check out The Beautiful Mess of Life: How to Allow and Move Past Negative Patterns by Jonathan Mead at […]